LeFevre Psychological Services

MARRIAGE RETREAT SEMINAR SYLLABUS

Marriage Skills Training Retreat

Exercise 1: Say It: Changing "Don't Want" to "Would Like"
Converting Hints to "Would Likes"

Exercise 2: Verbalize feelings, Feelings versus Thoughts: "I feel that…"

10 minute break

LESSON II: SAFE TALKING

Exercise 1: Understanding crossovers: The Spotlight
Converting crossovers to insights
Ask questions instead of using crossovers
Practicing options to crossing over
Insight and How/What question
Change you made me." to "I felt…When-you"
Eliminating "We" talk

Exercises 2: Give feedback, not criticism: "When-You…"
Converting Crossovers to WHEN YOU's Under pressure

Exercise 3: No polluting: Replacing Toxic Comments

Review Homework

LESSON III: LISTENING SKILLS

Exercise 1: Listen to Learn-or to but, or to plan
Provocative listening: ignoring and butting

Exercise 2: Responsive listening: Catcher's Mitt

Exercise 3: Feelings First

10:30-10:45: couples will do a 15 minute exercise privately

10:45-11:00 BREAK

11:00-12:15pm: Exercise 1: The Cocktail Party Dialogue Patterns
Braided Dialogue and the YES

Exercise 2: On the 4 S's
On symmetry
On short chunks
On Specifics
On summary

Exercise 3: Monitoring Emotional Climate
Disengagement Routines for Climate Control

12:15pm-12:30 Couples will complete exercise in private.

12:30-2:00pm LUNCH BREAK and free time

2:00pm-3:00pm: Exercise 1: Types of Anger
What anger does
Four Anger Myths
Anger as a Stop Sign
Using the Basics to Express Anger

Exercise 1: Safety for Firemen: Eight Anger-Response skills

3:00-3:30 Complete private exercise

3:30pm-5:00pm: Exercise 1: What is Force-it talk?
Cooperative openers: requests, not complaints
Getting back on track (if you receive a complaint)
The 5-Step Fix-it Recipe

5:00-5:30 Complete private exercise

5:30pm-7:00pm DINNER BREAK and free time

7:00pm-9:00pm: Exercise 1: Costs of not making decisions in a shared way (a story)

Exercise 2: The Win-Win Waltz

Exercise 3 Traps to avoid and techniques for success

10 minute BREAK

Private couples time to complete win-win waltz

Exercise 1:Why do conflicts occur?

Exercise 2 Halting and reversing escalations

Exercise 3: Land mines: Clarifying Core Concern

Private time to complete "Looking Back" to your family of origin to
Clarify Core Concerns.

10:30-11:00 BREAK

11:00-11:30am: Exercise 1: Putting the Pieces of an upset together: Puzzle-making
And the Mystery of the Misses

Exercise 2: Apologies